Super-Duper-Mega-Fusion-Force!
by The Once and Future Prophet
Summary: Fuuu! Sioon! Ha Ha Ha Ha! ...dear lord that was terrible. Don't read this story after that, I'm so sorry.
1. Episode 1

**DBZ DBZ DBZ DBZ DBZ**

With the literal gates of Hell blown off their hinges and the previously damned denizens running rampant across Earth, every single fighter was needed to combat the threat, and this included a reluctant but not altogether unwilling Seventeen. He and his much better acclimated sister had teamed up to go after an unseasonable dragon monster that was laying waste to a town in the northern polar caps that neither knew the name of or cared quite enough to find out.

The beast had been easy to send packing. What had been waiting for them far less so.

Without any warning at all, they had been beset upon by a really big, really blue dude who had knocked Seventeen into a glacier with a single sucker punch. The newcomer stood almost as tall as Sixteen had, though the spiky, orange hair might have tipped him over that point. He wore green pants, nondescript boots, and had what looked like armor attached to his chest in a manner similar to platemail. Even without introductions, Eighteen was able to make a reasonable deduction from what Krillin and the others had said about a bad guy they'd fought several years back.

This did not, however, prevent him from laying an ungodly smackdown on the twins in any measure. He was a maniac in his relentless assault, never giving either of them a moment to catch their breath or formulate any sort of plan. The only reason he hadn't been able to kill them yet was simply because the duo were watching out for each other and ran interference every opportunity they could before becoming his punching bag again.

A brutal cycle that repeated itself far too many times in the scant minutes they had been at it, but they wouldn't be able to keep at it much longer before he managed to take one of them down and leave the other a wide open target. They couldn't rely on backup from the Z-Fighters thanks entirely to that little caveat about all three of the androids not having detectable power signatures, so there went that plan before it was even conceptualized, so any miraculous save would have to come from them alone.

Dammit.

Seventeen, in an act of desperation he would deny knowledge of if questioned, was trawling frantically through the ancillary files and data that Dr. Gero had downloaded into the brain-implanted-computer for anything at all that might be of use. Not his preferred resource, but what're you going to do?

Immediately after receiving a particularly unamusing punch to the gut, he thought he might have found something: evidently, Gero had been on a roll with Seventeen being used to make a much stronger android and had made a backup plan involving (for reasons Seventeen couldn't begin to wrap his head around at the moment) a duplicate Seventeen merging with the original to make a brand new Seventeen who was, rather than double the power of either the separate individuals, many orders of magnitude stronger than what they should have been feasibly capable of at any time.

(To be fair, Gero had actually only come up with this utterly absurd plan after he had transplanted his brain from his failing body into that of Android Twenty, so it could be excused that he hadn't been entirely cognizant of the shit he was coming up with. Ironically, this had also been the period in which he had developed the personalities of Thirteen, Fourteen and Fifteen. Go figure.)

While the file and procedure were very clearly marked with strict warnings along the lines of "Follow Specifications To The Letter Or Suffer Catastrophic Consequences", Seventeen flippantly ignored all that and decided Eighteen was close enough that they might be able to make this work, give or take.

"Hey sis!" He called out from the hole his body had created in the side of a free floating glacier. "Wanna try something reckless and irresponsible? And I don't mean getting hitched to the noseless munchkin."

"I don't know, do YOU want to get dick kicked into orbit for that kind of talk?" She shot back, the acidity of the comment losing a bit of its bite as she dodged around an energy blast that reeked of ozone.

"Maybe later. I found something that could help us out here, but it might require a little, itsy-bitsy bit of fusing out bodies and minds together. Cool?" He charged back into the fray, shoulder checking Thirteen with all his might and only just succeeding in throwing off his aim enough for the next ball of crackling red energy to veer away from his sister.

"What?! No! Not cool! There is nothing cool about that at all!" She hurtled at their adversary and landed a solid punch to his jaw that did a little bit more than 'diddly', but less than 'squat'. Thirteen was unimpressed, and made clear his ire with a well-rounded argument crafted carefully to fulfill the four main categories of a professional debate as mandated by the late advisory board for the much esteemed Saiyan University.

That is to say, he punched her right back.

Spinning from the force, Eighteen would have made another lovely crater in the rapidly disintegrating landscape if Seventeen hadn't zipped in to catch her and then using the opportunity to fly out of sight and maybe buy themselves a few seconds.

Setting down on a snowy bank by the frigid ocean, he helped his blonder sibling to her feet.

"Come on, it'll be awesome!"

"No, it would not."

"Yes it would!"

"No it wouldn't!"

"Yeah, it would!"

"It absolutely would not!"

"Gimme one reason why we shouldn't try it."

"I am NOT merging my mind and body with my potentially insane brother."

"I grant you that there might be some privacy issues, but we can work on that later when we're not on the verge of being incinerated."

"But what would we turn into?!" She huffed, hands on hips and giving him a full dose of 'scowl face'. "In case you forgot, we're not the same gender. Won't that be a little bit of a problem?" The way she dwelt on that last word you might have expected her to waggle her eyebrows in a ludicrous but threatening manner. But she didn't. Because she's chill like that.

Seventeen scratched at his eternally hairless chin for a second. "Maybe, but that's not the best reason to quit before we even give it a shot."

Eighteen threw her arms into the air. "Forget it! I am not merging with you, now or ever, and that is FINAL!"

Android Thirteen exploded through a towering ice cliff, enormous ball of planet killing energy cupped above his head and ready to forfeit their lives.

"Merge now," Eighteen squeaked out, wide eyes not moving from the blue golem.

"Well if you're so insistent on it," Seventeen drawled, rolling his eyes even as he initiated the buried protocol. The two of them, individual and separate for that last moment, unconsciously adopted a matching stance before seeming to slide sideways and coalesce into a single point of sudden illumination that usually went with dramatic actions like this. If they had had actual ki, the planet might have started shaking violently right then.

Thirteen, oblivious to what was happening, threw the S.S. Deadly Bomber with every intention of things going boom.

Things did not go boom.

Things didn't even go poof.

The energy orb halted in the air with almost comedic suddenness, just a few feet away from the rock and snow laden ground. Before Thirteen could make any sense of it, the Bomber began to swiftly shrink in size, diminishing by half every second until the last of the artificial ki was completely pulled into the glowing crystal embedded in the palm of the new android that stood in place of Seventeen and Eighteen.

Standing maybe half a head taller than either of them, it didn't look too drastically different than either of the original, though the cheekbones were sharper and the brow was slightly less wide. Blonde and brunette had joined to become a unique, youthful golden gray that shone like ethereal metal in the arctic light. Their clothes had more or less fused as well, so now it wore white boots, blue jeans, a pale red muscle shirt and an opened brown jacket that extended down to the back of the knees.

This new being glared up at the confused Thirteen. "Hey, asshole! You're the reason I'm going through gender issues right now, so don't expect me to go easy on you!"

Thirteen took offense to this. "YOU, going easy on ME!? I'll grind you to dust! GWAAAAAAAH!"

"Very eloquent," the merged Android muttered. Then it looked down at its hands in thought for a second before snapping into a fighting stance. "And just so we're clear, the name's Android 35. Tell 'em who sent ya when you get back to Hell!"

 **DBZ DBZ DBZ DBZ DBZ**

 **AN:** ' _What the hell is this' you ask? Well, step inside my madness and let me tell you._

 _Flat out, I'm increasingly disappointed in_ Dragon Ball Super _as of the date this is posted. I'm not going to bore or anger any of you with all of my reasons for this evident betrayal of the franchise except one, and this is a spoiler so avert thine eyes if you don't know what happens during the batshit insane 'Goku Black' arc (dumb, dumb, dumb name)._

 _When Goku and Vegeta used the Potara Earrings to once again become Vegito, or however the hell you want to spell it, they defuse not long after because, as it is only just know explained, Potara fusions only last a set amount of time when not used by a kai._

 _The hell!?_

 _I'm not going to launch a rant about it, but that is seriously a terrible,_ _terrible_ _retcon. It's supposed to be permanent for EVERYONE, and that was why it was such a big deal that Vegeta willingly went through with it and-_

 _*Deep breathe in*_

 _*Deep breathe out*_

 _So I didn't like it._

 _In response, I dug out a list I made a few years ago -before_ Dragon Ball Fusions _managed to stomp over half a dozen of my ideas and dreams- of a bunch of crazy or crazy-cool hypothetical fusions that I would have wanted to see. And now I'm making them, so I guess wish granted...?_

 _If any of you have an idea for a possible fusion...good for you, I'm not using it. Not out of pure, dickish spite, but simply because I already have a full list that I can actually visualize. You try writing a character somebody else dreamed up. It's like trying to draw a picture while blindfolded, using your non dominant hand and riding on a pissed off bull all at once: it ends up poopy._


	2. Episode 2

**DBZ DBZ DBZ DBZ DBZ**

As though the gut twisting jaunt through time hadn't been bad enough, Raditz now had to contend with what looked remarkably like a revived and juiced up Cooler. The eldest arcosian prince was in his incredibly hype fifth form, but now it seemed that he'd pushed even further past that stage and had taken it a step further: The crest of his head was now a forest of spikes that spread down the back of his head and onto his back, like a ridiculously heavy metal hairstyle; the purple of his skin had lightened to the point of actually being a metallic blue; the organic bone-like material that grew on his wrists had grown to encase both arms in wicked looking gauntlets studded with amethyst bio-gems; and there were just generally more sharp points all over his body.

"See what just a few weeks of training can amount to, saiyan whelp?" The douche nozzle sneered, his voice deep and slightly muffled by the bone mask. "Not even my father commanded such power at the height of his reign. I am unparalleled in all the Universe!"

"That's nice," the long haired saiyan smiled with barred teeth. "I don't suppose you've decided to become the benevolent protector of all life?"

"Joke while you can. I haven't forgotten what you did to me back on Yardrat, and no new Super Saiyan form will save you from my vengeance!"

"We'll see about **that**!" Raditz threw back as he ascended straight into Super Saiyan 3, his hair expanding out as it stretched to his heels until it was basically the same size as his own body. His body quivering with the insane power now residing within, the Watchman of Universe 7 launched himself at his annoyingly persistent nemesis, intent on slapping the smugness out of him.

But his haymaker punch passed through empty air - not even a shimmer to indicate the frost demon's movement. Raditz had just a moment of surprise before a three toed foot slammed into the back of his head. The force behind the singular blow was numbing and sent the saiyan tumbling painfully across the ground for a few heartbeats before he flipped and twisted back onto his feet, sliding back a meter or two with the residual momentum. Not hesitating, he threw himself back at Cooler, trying to keep him in sight this time. But the bastard once again vanished as though he'd never been there to begin with, and suddenly all the air was knocked out Raditz's lungs by a simple punch.

He staggered back a couple of steps, fighting just to stay on his feet, when a tail like a python snaked around his neck and constricted sharply. Gasping, Raditz pried uselessly at the appendage as he was lifted from the ground and brought in front of Cooler. The arcosian managed to easily convey that he was smirking behind that mask, his body posture equally as derisive.

"I'm not going to play around this time. Giving you time was what proved my downfall before, and unlike my little snot of a brother, I always learn from my mistakes."

The towering alien overlord lifted one hand and enveloped it in a precisely shaped wedge of his dark purple ki, the blade hissing furiously as the air itself was burnt by this weapon of malice. Raditz tried to wriggle free, but the grip around his throat only tightened and splashes of darkness crowded his vision. But he refused to just give in and die like this! He was the goddamn Super Saiyan, Fulfiller of Prophesies and Sword of the Motherfucking Kais! He'd survived much worse than this rerun villain!

Letting go of the tail, Raditz clapped his hands together. When he drew them apart, a translucent membrane of golden ki expanded between them like a bubble, growing almost instantly to fill the space between him and Cooler, who looked both surprised and amused by this last ditch effort before jabbing his arm forward to spear through the ki and into the body of the full blooded saiyan. But he was taken aback when his arm sank _into_ the ki bubble like a bowl of warm jelly. He tried yanking his limb free, but it was like pulling a boulder through mud, and even his godlike strength proved no help at all.

"The hell is this!?" He roared as the ball continued to expand up past his shoulder and over the rest of his body. Raditz took full advantage of his enemy's distraction and wrestled free of the tail's strangling grip, jumping back the instant his feet touched earth. He knew that his Ki Snare wouldn't last very long at all against Cooler – it was designed to continuously entrap somebody the more they struggled, but the icejin was far to powerful for it to be more than a momentary annoyance – and he needed to find a way to start dealing some damage right now or else he was sunk.

Cocking both arms back, he summoned up twin fistfuls of fuchsia colored energy and hurled them both at Cooler. The projectiles curved of their own accord, arcing out slightly before sharply angling back towards their target and hitting him from opposite sides in a colossal explosion. It had been the attack that had won Raditz the fight against Bojack, but he somehow didn't get the impression that it would have done much against his longtime adversary (he'd noticed a trend where pretty much every villain he fought was stronger than the one prior, so he could better gauge how powerful the next one would probably be).

Indeed, when the gray cloud of smoke and dust cleared, Cooler was not only unharmed but also free of the Ki Snare. He didn't look very happy.

"Cute, saiyan, but your stalling tactics are as worthless as you are!" He lunged forward, grabbing a too-slow Raditz by the face and slammed the back of his head into the ground with enough force that tremors were felt on the opposite side of the planet. Stomping his foot onto the saiyan's chest to keep him in place, Cooler raised both hands above his heads and created a Supernova attack that rapidly grew to excessive size in seconds. "You have always been an underfoot pest, monkey, and now I finally get to squash you like one!"

Raditz tried to throw the leg off of him, but it was as adamant as the tail had been. For the first time in years, he felt raw fear burn its way through his veins as his doom hovered just overhead. Not just fear for himself -he'd already tasted death and it had lost most of its threat- but also the countless innocents he'd vowed to protect from forces of evil just like this arcosian bastard. Nobody alive was as strong as he was, and it would take far too long for somebody to get to this level and assume his position. Just a shitty situation all 'round, really.

"...not...like...this..." he managed to grind out, feeling blood against his gums.

But there was no chance of escape. Cooler had beaten him in less than a minute, and he hadn't even been going all out! Because of course he hadn't, the prick.

"If it's any consolation," Cooler jeered, tensing his muscles for the throw, "you get to die with-"

"HEY!"

The unexpected shout caught both of their attentions. Saiyan and arcosian looked toward the top of a narrow cliff where the voice had come from to find a man standing there, dramatically lit by the fire that raged behind him and nobody could remember lighting. He took a step forward and his features came into sight.

"Get off my son you oversized dragon dildo!" Bardock snarled, hair a brilliant gold.

"What the shit!?" Cooler barked out in surprise before a boot smashed into his face and knocked him back a few steps, his Supernova flying harmlessly into the sky where it would eventually destroy some no name planet that had been minding its own business. Bardock now stood next to Raditz, power radiating off of the Super Saiyan of Legend as he glared pure murder at the last prince of Arcos.

"I thought you never intended to leave the past," Raditz coughed, his lungs suddenly free to draw breath again. The time displaced saiyan didn't take his eyes off of Cooler, watching closely as the frost demon took in the newcomer with suspicion and a seething anger.

"I didn't, but when my idiot of a son insisted on being a big damn hero I knew that _somebody_ would need to keep his head out of his own ass. Might as well be his old man." He risked glancing down at the long haired warrior and offering him a hand up. Raditz only hesitated a second before taking it, and then widening his eyes in surprise. Bardock helped him back up before he could say anything. "You understand what I'm saying?" His words were deliberate, and Raditz ran a thumb over what had been slipped into his palm in a brief moment of indecision. But one glance at Cooler was enough to convince him of the necessity of such a drastic action.

"Alright you geezer, we'll do it your way. Not like my life expectancy was all that great to begin with."

"Do the two of you think you can honestly take _me_ on?" Cooler guffawed, straightening up to his full, intimidating height.

"Nope," Raditz admitted easily, stretching his shoulders so that his hands were close to his head. "We haven't got a chance in hell of stopping you."

This gave Cooler a moment of pause. "...well...Good! You finally learn your place!"

"What the kid means," Bardock spoke up, letting a spherical earring show in his hands as he affixed it to his right ear, "is that we're handing the fight over to someone else."

Raditz lowered his arms, grinning mockingly as his own earring dangled from his left ear.

Cooler knew, thanks to some awfully painful firsthand experience, what the two pieces of jewelry meant and didn't waste a second to leap at the father and son duo, but he was already much too late. The magic that now bound them repelled his presence violently, and he was incapable of doing anything but watching as the two men were propelled towards one another by invisible hands, meeting in an intense uproar of noise and light.

The spectacle didn't last long, and it died away to reveal the fused warrior with little fanfare.

He had Raditz's height and features, but Bardock's shape and structure, as well as his facial scars. He wore a black and white suit of Planet Trade Organization issued armor without a shirt underneath, as well as matching boots and green vambraces on both arms. On each shoulder he wore a strip of red cloth tied in a simple knot, and the elder saiyan's blood-dyed headband was now tied around his neck. Raditz's infamous hair was largely in place, but it had been corralled into a large ponytail that reached to waist level and was joined by a large spike that jutted out over his forhead.

Cooler couldn't help the tingle of uncertainty from creeping up his spine, but he quashed that feeling ruthlessly and stood ready against the fusion. "Welcome, double monkey, and Goodbye!" He charged, body like a spear, but he was deflected with ease by a slight motion from the new warrior, who eyed the arcosian with traces of derision and amusement. Cooler spun around, furious, but the warrior spoke before he could make another one liner.

"What do you get when you combine a Raditz and a Bardock?" He queried rhetorically. He reached behind him and pulled out a pair of sunglasses which he opened with a flick of his wrist and set easily over his eyes. "The only thing you could possibly get: a Badatz!"

 **DBZ DBZ DBZ DBZ DBZ**

 **AN:** _Ultimate showdown of Arcos: Golden Frieza vs Blued Cooler!_

 _Let the victor keep coming back over and over and over and over and over and over and..._


	3. Episode 3

The palatial stronghold of Kami's Lookout was torn to shreds, great wedges of the floor and walls simply blasted away and leaving the scorched rooms within bare to the gale force winds raged around it. Several fires raged unchecked across its surface, the results of ki blasts that had missed their target, and cast everything nearby in a haunting glow. In short, it had become a battleground.

A pile of rubble exploded outward as Tien Shinhan managed to free himself before collapsing onto hands and knees, breathing raggedly as a crosswork of scrapes bled pinpricks of crimson. His shirt was little more than shredded rags, hanging limply from one shoulder without any enthusiasm. But though he looked a state, he was far from beaten, doggedly pushing himself back onto his feet and wrestling his breathing back under control. His body was trained for this, and he wouldn't let anything less than a crippling injury keep him from the fight.

Turning his gaze upward, he could see the furious flurry of bodies that were the Z-Fighters and their enemies, shadowy beings that took the form of past adversaries ranging from Nappa to Majin Buu. Though they did not have the same strength as the originals had, they made up for it with seeming invulnerability – every attack leveled against them proved no more than a momentary delay before the wounds closed up like water rushing to refill a gap. They were relentless, pushing even Goku, Gohan and Vegeta to their maximum for all the good it did them, and the weaker members of their group were floundering terribly.

Tien barred his teeth, a vein standing out along his strained neck. This was more than just a threat against them; it was a humiliation! For as fiercely as they had trained their minds and bodies, becoming some of the strongest beings in the Universe, they were being ground under the heel of this nameless enemy without any true competition of might! It was infuriating to have skill be so readily trumped by a singular gimmick!

Well shit on them!

He knew that desperation was the mother of invention (or something), and there were a few desperate measures they were capable of, but only one really stood out to him: Fusion.

The year before, when Goku and Vegeta had fused in their fight against Buu, Tien had felt the impossible power from them even while unconscious and had recognized that the technique had produced something many times greater than the parts that had gone into it. If they could create another fusion warrior then perhaps they might be able to pull something miraculous and really cool out of their asses.

The problem was enacting the fusion. To his understanding, there were two separate methods about it; the Dance and the Earrings. He didn't know the Dance and he didn't have any earrings. Damn.

"Goku!" The triclops shouted up into the furious melee. "Do you know where we can get those fusion earrings?"

Goku kneed Copy-Slug in the gut and followed with a brutal uppercut that blasted the namekian facsimile's head off and forced the rest of him away. Then the earth-raised warrior looked over at Tien and his face lit up, expression at odds with the fierce countenance of a Super Saiyan 3. "Yeah, that's a great idea! Wait here a second." He placed two fingers to his forehead and vanished.

"I...I didn't mean right this second," Tien mumbled to nobody, but it didn't matter at all as Goku reappeared just moments later, twin Potarra earrings held gingerly in his fingers.

"Here ya go!" And then Tien was hastily catching the magical accessories as they dropped through the air a second before Goku launched himself back into the fight.

Again, Tien was caught flat-footed. He'd intended for Goku and Vegeta to fuse again, or maybe another combination of the saiyans that wasn't Gotenks. Anything but Gotenks. But it seemed that he'd be participating in the fusion himself, so he now needed to pick his partner from his comrades. Going through them in his head, he almost picked Piccolo outright based on his power and knowledge, but he didn't know if they would blend very well at all, or if an already merged being could fuse with another.

If he was going by who he knew the best and was on a relatively similar power level, then really the only option was Yamcha, possibly the sanest Z-Fighter when taking into consideration the hell they regularly got into. Fortunately, the former bandit had shown up to this fight, currently decimating a horde of copy-saibamen that were a decade and a half late in being a threat to anyone. It might have been cathartic, but Tien didn't really care at the moment.

Taking flight off of the Lookout, he crossed the distance between them in a flash and arrived to kick one of the little green bastards in the chest, exploding it quite completely. "Yamcha, I've got a plan; we need to-"

"To fuse, yes, I know," Yamcha interrupted, creating a spirit ball and directing it into Copy-Jeice of the Ginyu Force. Tien looked openly shocked. "Dude, you were shouting at Goku literally forty feet away, I heard. And I actually spent time at the Warrior's Paradise and learned a thing or two about those earrings, so can we please skip the dramatic exposition?"

Tien considered for a moment before nodding and dropped half of the pair into Yamcha's waiting palm. "I don't suppose I need to remind you that the fusion is permanent?"

"Are you kidding?" Yamcha grinned crookedly, head tilted to the side as he blindly affixed the earring with unpracticed fingers. "We're gonna be relevant again! Sign me up Mr. Clean."

"You're a dick," was all Tien bothered to say before he clipped his own earring on. Seconds later, the magic took hold and they were thrown without their volition at each other, grandly closing the space of about two feet. A shapeless luminescence expanded to enshroud them while also catching the other Z-Fighters' attention, but they could barely spare a second as the copies hadn't stopped for an instant.

Perhaps not as impressively presented as Vegito had been, the fused human stepped forward, backlit spectacularly by the fading remnants of the magic mumbo-kumbo. Since the two fighters had been pretty similar physique wise there weren't any noticeable changes there, but his clothes had blended the green of Tien's usual garb with Yamcha's traditional Turtle School gi as well as added strips of green cloth that circled around his palm, wrist, forearm, elbow and biceps.

His face had the sharp lines of Tien, but the mischievous smirk of the bandit along with his lighter eyes. Where Tien had had a third eye, there was now a clearly defined scar in the shape of an eye, like some sort of ritual mark. A bit of a surprise was that he had a full head of hair, but it was slicked back and revealed a prominent widow's peak that Yamcha certainly hadn't had.

The newly born warrior rolled his shoulders and worked his muscles to get accustomed with the power than now resided in his mortal form. He grinned a bit wider, taking in the pandemonium that was raging around him, but his head snapped to the side as Copy-Bojack soared toward them with arm cocked back. Instead of unleashing a ki blast, the fusion warrior waited until the last second before spinning like a top, left foot brought up high and glowing with white energy to catch the fake pirate full in the cheek. There was a moment of one great force meeting another before Copy-Bojack was blasted backwards, a sizable hole in its head.

It got back to its feet immediately, but the wound refused to close, the white energy still burning away at the edges. Whatever the fusion had put into his counterattack seemed to target the copy's very being, like acid through metal.

Cracking his knuckles, the merged human fighter grinned just a bit wider still. "I'm not sure the world's ready to handle someone like me, but we'll just make the best of it. I'm not going to be content until I've wiped all of you off the face of the planet, so let's get started!" This last bit was shouted, drawing the attention of all the copies, most of them suffering some temporary damage from the Z-Fighter they had been fighting. "When an assassin and a bandit put their heads together, you can be damn sure they'll come up with some way to beat the hell out of you and look damn cool doing it. In this case, that's me: Yaen."

Several copies had turned fully and were flying straight at him, intent on bull-rushing this new warrior and crushing him under sheer numbers. Yaen didn't budge, raising a hand commandingly and summoned a circle of six, full-sized Spirit Balls that rose up around him, all burning with that white energy.

"This'll be good," the fusion commented to himself before launching into his assault, grin still in place.

 **DBZ DBZ DBZ DBZ DBZ**

 **AN:** _Pronunciation: (Yay-n)_

 _Being that I am one, I have a tendency to support the humans in the series and give them opportunities that, quite frankly, stretch belief dangerously thin. But that's a good thing._


	4. Episode 4

Piccolo was sure that this was all Goku's fault.

Their battle against Majin Buu had been going fairly alright, all things considered. Sure, the monster had killed something like 99.99999999999999% of the Earth's population with a single attack, and he'd turned almost everyone on the lookout into food and ate them, but Goku had reappeared just as he and Gotenks had broken out of the Hyperbolic Time Chamber and was helping them to keep Buu on the defensive until Gohan arrived.

The saiyan was without a halo, so Piccolo could only assume that he'd somehow been wished back to life – possibly by the Namekian Dragon Balls – but the questions could wait for later when they weren't fighting for their lives. So yeah, it had seemed to be going kind of well for a few minutes.

But then a truly impressive amount of shit had hit the fan all at once. First, Gotenks had defused right in the middle of an attack, having spent far too long show-boating. Then both of the kids had been absorbed by Buu to prevent them from refusing again. And then, when Gohan did finally arrive, Goku was distracted for just long enough to also be absorbed, the living putty blob enveloping him and smothering his movements. Before Piccolo or Gohan could do anything, Buu had transformed into a new form, with much more human features and an orange gi top over his chest as well as the head tentacle growing down his back and increasing in size, very much like Goku's hair as a Super Saiyan 3.

"Well now, who wants to be my practice dummy first?" Buu sneered.

Gohan had launched his attack, but Buu was now slightly more powerful as well as far more skilled than the teenaged warrior. The elder saiyan's experience and natural instincts would have been enough to tip the scales as it was, but with the tremendous power boost he was toying with Gohan. The fight was blisteringly intense, Piccolo even losing track of it several times as he spectated from the side. Tien showed up for a minute, but Buu kicked him in the face and he vanished over the horizon so it wasn't really an issue.

Piccolo had more or less resigned to the fact that they were royally screwed when, because irony was a bitch, the Prince of all Saiyans made the scene. Unlike Goku he still sported a crisp halo, but he was there nonetheless and that was certainly something. Abruptly, they had options. If there was a single person Piccolo trusted to know more about fighting and tactics than Goku, it was Vegeta, and he'd been incredibly powerful before he'd went boom.

Vegeta stared up at the brawl between majin and half-saiyan with impassive eyes. "I miss something?"

"Buu absorbed Goku and now we're all that's left to fight him."

"What about him?" Vegeta pointed past Piccolo's shoulder and the tall namekian turned to look. Taking cover behind a boulder was a familiar, afro'd man with a puppy in his arms, eyes and mouth wide as he watched the fight taking place.

"What _**about**_ him?" Piccolo challenged, looking back at the full-blooded saiyan. Vegeta shrugged and dropped the matter. "We're pretty much out of options except one, and I already know you're going to bitch and whine about."

"Sounds promising," Vegeta deadpanned, crossing his arms and raising an eyebrow.

"Goku taught Goten and Trunks a technique called the Fusion Dance that would allow them to become one being with their power joined and multiplied exponentially. If we used it now, we could become strong enough to defeat Buu once and for all."

"And just why the hell should I even consider the notion of debasing myself by merging with you," Vegeta scowled mightily, arms tensing in anger.

With Goku, there might have been some plea for Vegeta to do it out of the goodness of his heart, but Piccolo was well aware that the saiyan prince was a real bastard and could only be cajoled into doing something if it actually threatened one of the very few things he held as important: his pride or (very recently) his family. It was a bit of a low blow, but Piccolo was perfectly willing to do what was necessary in times of war.

"Because he killed Bulma and absorbed Trunks. The only way you have a chance of getting revenge is through fusion. Is that a good enough reason?"

Vegeta, to his credit, looked visibly stricken at the news, his eyes going distant and his mouth opening slightly in wordless shock. Whatever was going on inside his head apparently didn't need much time to formulate.

"Dammit, this had better be good namekian!" He spat without much real venom. Perhaps the news had hit harder than Piccolo had anticipated, because he'd been _sure_ that Vegeta would have initially refused and tried to fight Buu himself before being smacked around and finally accepting the option. Ah well, he wasn't about to complain just yet. "And why don't you use this Fusion Dance with Gohan?"

"I seriously doubt Buu would refrain from destroying the planet long enough for me to teach Gohan the dance. We need the time he's buying us to make sure we get it absolutely right; a single mistake can cause the fusion to come out flawed and much weaker that either of us."

"So no pressure."

Despite his reluctance, Vegeta had learned the deceptively simple moves to the Fusion Dance far faster than Goten and Trunks had, going through several dry runs to iron out all the mistakes he made without realizing. Piccolo was wagering that even though Vegeta would have to lower his power to perfectly match his own, the resulting fusion should be capable of some form of transformation to increase its power and put it on level with Buu's current state.

"One last point," he announced as the two of them took positions for the real deal. "The Fusion Dance will only last for thirty minutes and we will be unable to refuse for some time after, so we need to take care of business as swiftly as we can."

"Just so long as it doesn't start talking like you, we shouldn't have a problem," Vegeta snipped, rolling his shoulder.

Gohan wasn't looking good at all at this point, so there wasn't a single moment to waste. The two remaining Z-Fighters assumed the starting position with military precision.

"Fuuuu!"

Tiptoe towards the other, hands arcing overhead.

"Siooon!

Snap arms to the opposite side and balance on one foot.

HAAAA!"

Plant both feet and lean at each other to connect the extended fingertips.

Cue flash of light and wind.

Buu paused, one hand gripped in the front of Gohan's gi and the other cocked back, and glanced in surprise at the unexpected disturbance. He'd pretty much been ignoring Piccolo and Vegeta in favor of dismantling Gohan, secure in the knowledge that neither of them could pose much of a threat at all if they tried to intervene. But now it seemed that they had done something unusual, and there was something in the back of his mind that was telling him that this was possibly problematic.

Gohan coughed up a bit of blood.

The luminescence died down, divulging the new being born of fusion. Wearing the customary black and orange vest and white pants of the Fusion Dance, his most notable characteristic was that his skin was straight up Piccolo's shade of green. There actually seemed to be a clear divide between Piccolo and Vegeta in his physical features. The namekian had given him his skin tone, elfin ears, clawed fingers, stern gaze and the pink bits on the insides of his arms. The saiyan had provided his entire hairdo, musculature, sharply angled features and his trademark scowl. The only thing that was a blend of the two was his height, which had pretty much leveled out at around Goku's height.

Buu finally realized what had happened, courtesy of bot his and Goku's memories, and paled slightly in the face of this new and most likely serious threat.

Gohan coughed up a bit more blood.

"Your assholery ends here, Majin Buu!" The fusion spoke with unshakable authority and resolve. Unlike Gotenks, whose voice had been both Goten and Trunks' layered over the other, his voice seemed remarkably singular. Neither Buu nor Gohan had ever realized just how similar the two had sounded before just now. Weird.

"I know this trick, and I'm not impressed! The one from before was all talk and could never have beaten me, so what chance do you think you possibly have?" Buu was still holding Gohan, and shook him absently as he spoke.

The fuision opted to let actions speak for him, throwing out one arm towards the majin. Instead of launching a ki blast, the entire limb stretched out at lightning speed and closed the distance between them in the blink of an eye. Buu let go of Gohan to defend against an attack that never came. Instead, the extended arm grabbed hold of the half-saiyan and drew him back to earth, setting him down next to the fused fighter.

"Take a breather kid, you've earned it."

Gohan looked up at his savior with fatigued eyes. "Mr...Piccolo...?"

"Not really," the fusion took a step forward, cracking his neck. "I don't plan on sticking around for more than twenty nine minutes or so, but in the meantime, I guess you can call me Picceta."

"Do you really think you'll have what it takes to take **me** down?!" Buu jeered, somewhat reassured now that he'd had a moment to re-access the situation. This new guy wouldn't be able to match Gohan, let alone himself, so there was really nothing to worry about here.

Picceta thought otherwise. Slightly widening his stance, he raised his fists and let his power surge up around him, an exotic blend of tempered namekian control and raw saiyan energy. Growling along with the escalation of his ki, the fusion began to tremble as his body was pushed to the breaking point; beyond the point any other might have quit. At the head of the surge, he threw his head back and loosed a defiant roar as the energy took on new life, becoming transparent to the naked eye but keeping its shadow on the ground.

Steadying himself, Picceta let his head roll forward and leveled a glare of unspoken hatred at Buu. Instead of the legendary golden hue of the super saiyan, the fusion's hair was now a striking orange like that of an enormous flame – the only outward indication of the immense inferno that now raged just beneath the surface.

"You have gone unopposed long enough, you spit out wad of chewing gum! I will make you pay for every single life you have taken before eradicating you from existence entirely!"

Buu was unimpressed. "I think you haven't a single idea what you're getting into. Not even Gohan could beat me, and he was the best you had. What chance does a-"

His insult was cut off by a fist literally embedding itself in his face.

"I already told:" Picceta snarled, smashing his knee into the Majin's chest with enough force to cause the back of the gi he wore to explode into tatters. "I'm going to crush you...and throw you into the wind!" He held up two fingers, unstable yellow energy coalescing at the tips in preparation. "And then I get to rub this in Goku's face forever!"

 **DBZ DBZ DBZ DBZ DBZ**

 **AN:** _I'm thinking of making the titles of the chapters the name of the fusion that's introduced in them. Would this be a good way to state the fusion's name without shoehorning it into the dialogue or would it just take away from whatever suspense there is?_


	5. Episode 5

The day had been going so nicely, too.

The inhabitants of Planet Vegeta had never been prone to interplanetary exploration, but they weren't exactly strangers to visiting alien. So when a team of tuffle astronomers had spotted some incoming ships on their satellite feeds, not much was thought of it. A score of nearly perfectly spherical vessels made land-fall thirteen minutes later, met by a saiyan delegation party to welcome them and inquire as to their business.

No sooner had the hatches opened than the ki and energy blasts started to pour out, ripping the delegates to shreds.

Hundreds of invaders spilled from the confines of their ships, swarming like a living wave through the capital city and killing all in their path. For the most part, the pillagers were a species almost identical to saiyans themselves, only bereft of tails and the singular black hair color. There were a few anthropomorphic animals among the lot, all of whom were using projectile weapons, but they only made up a fraction of the entire force.

The prosperous and peaceful saiyans were mowed down without mercy or restraint, unable to mount a counterattack with so little notice. They hadn't had a war since they and the tuffles had made peace a full century past, and it showed. Within an hour, thousands had been killed and the actual fighters of their people only just managing to fend off the attacks that came their way. At the end of the day, entire cities were blasted apart and their inhabitants struggling to survive.

Broly was running through the flaming and scattered ruins that had been a high-rise tower but now lay on its side like a slain colossus, breathing hard and constantly swiping at the sweat searing his eyes. He had only barely escaped from a group of these malicious aliens before they had leveled the metro station he'd been taking shelter in, and he didn't want to stop to check if they were following. Not all of them could fly, but those that could showed extreme aptitude for the technique and he didn't care to test them in the open sky.

Despite his exceedingly above-average power level, Broly shied away from any kind of conflict, preferring instead the quiet of libraries and parks where he could jot down his observations and thoughts. He was a shoe-in for the academy, but any thoughts of academia were lost with the invasion. Now, survival was all he could afford to contemplate.

Just as he was scrambling clumsily over a cornered piece of rubble, a pair of hands grabbed him by the back of the shirt and pulled him back down, a second before one of the aliens flew by, looking for more prey. Flat on his back, Broly looked up at the faces of his saviors and experienced an immediate sense of relief: it was Bardock and Raditz, the two saiyans on the planet he really considered family after his father's death.

The elder of the two was quietly observing the sky for any more of the attackers, a bloody rag tied around his forehead to keep a wound from leaking into his eyes, but his son was kneeling down next to Broly, concern evident in his features. "You alright little guy? We tried to come sooner, but we were a bit delayed."

Indeed, both of them seemed to have seen the worse end of a fight, with cuts and bruises already visible on their arms and faces, but it was nothing they couldn't handle. Raditz was a scrapper despite his rather unimpressive power level, and Bardock, while primarily one of their great scientists, was no stranger to a brawl. Broly was the odd one out with his pacifism.

"Do either of you know what's going on? Who are these beings and why are they attacking?" Broly asked, more than a touch desperate. He got back to his feet, now standing taller than either of his adopted family members but still feeling like the smallest one there; the father and son duo were exuding an aura of intensity that he could never hope to match, honoring the warrior heritage they were descended from.

"They landed by the Imperial College and just started killing everybody they found," Bardock growled, the steel under his fingers denting ever so slightly. "We mobilized our Defense Force, but some of the invaders are strong enough to tear through most of them like cattle. The King and the Prince are doing what they can, but..."

Raditz, unusually grim faced, picked up where his father trailed off. "They were attacked by the leader of the invasion." He jerked his head away, angrily keeping his face stern. "It's Kakarot."

"K-Kakarot?!" Broly blurted, feeling for a terrible moment like this was some sick joke. The biological son of Bardock and Raditz's actual brother had been exiled from their planet over twenty years ago, when he displayed dangerously psychopathic tendencies at an extremely young age. In fact, the boy had been the one to kill Paragus in an unprecedented moment of brutality that the grown saiyan would never have seen coming. That act was what sealed Kakarot's fate, regardless of Gine's heartbreak, and he was rocketed off-world. The family hadn't been told where he was being sent, except that he wouldn't be left to starve on a barren rock.

With a hole in their family, and an absence of his own, Bardock and Gine hadn't hesitated to adopt young Broly in an effort to repent for what their son had inflicted upon him. Raditz, though at first hostile to the younger boy he viewed as replacing Kakarot, grew to adore his new brother and they became inseparable for years. Things had gotten quieter when Gine passed away three years back from a degenerative heart disease, but the three of them remained steadfastly connected.

But now it seemed like the world was just going to end around them anyway, and it would be because of the vengeful child they had banished.

"I saw him personally fighting both of them at once, laughing like a maniac," Bardock screwed his eyes shut and bared his teeth. That wound had never healed for the older man, not really. "He's monstrously strong, and I don't think any one of us has a chance of beating him." He then gave Broly a strange look. "Any... _one_ of us."

Feeling something dangerous was being approached, Broly held his hands up in front of him defensively. "Please don't ask me to fight! Even if I wanted to, I've never had a day of training and would only get myself killed!" His neck was suddenly sweating at the idea of trying to fight to the death with anybody. Bardock's eyes softened and he rested a comforting hand on his son's shoulder.

"While every single one of us needs to fight now, and your power could possibly be the edge that we need, I'm not going to ask you to fight. But what I am going to ask might be even harder, and I need you to know that I would not think any less of you at all if you refused."

Raditz was looking at his dad with alarm now, shifting to face him fully and stand next to Broly. "What're you getting at? What could be any worse than trying to fight off any of these marauders?"

Bardock reached into his pants pocket and withdrew to, innocuous items: matching earrings, with pearl sized green spheres and simple clasps to attach to ears.

"These are from the archives at the College," the paternal saiyan informed his two boys, letting each earring dangle from a separate hand. "They were given to us by the planet's Guardian just before he sacrificed himself to eradicate the arcosian fleet. According to his final words, these two baubles had the power to merge two different beings into one, with the abilities of both and strength far greater than either. He warned that it was an extreme measure, since the 'fusion' could not be reversed or undone, and they have collected dust in the archives ever since – a curiosity that many have studied and none have deciphered."

"You want two of us to fuse," Broly stated, jumping to the conclusion. He felt a sinking weight in his gut at the thought, like he was hearing his own death knell. This was...this was all completely insane! The invasion, Kakarot's return, this plan! All just absolute bonkers! How had life flipped upside down in the blink of an eye?

"Yes. Two of us will need to fuse and hopefully be strong enough to stop this invasion in its tracks. Besides the Royal Family and their closest affiliates, we are some of the strongest or smartest of our race, and it is our duty to give everything we've got to protect our people from extinction."

What would have been silence between them was broken by the sounds of explosions and screaminng, both far off and nearby.

"I'll do it," Raditz abruptly spoke, plucking one of the earrings from his father's fingers. Bardock nodded and moved the remaining one into his palm. He spoke quietly to the taller of his sons.

"Broly, you are one of the strongest saiyans alive, and any fusion you'd help to make would be an incredible warrior. But you don't have to do this. Raditz and I can fuse and that might be enough; we have enough training and knowledge between us to make the best use of our strength. I won't force you into this decision."

Broly's thoughts raced, but they seemed to be incomprehensible. He froze up, unable to say or think anything helpful or even coherent. His panic started to rise back up, burning his veins as adrenaline trickled into his bloodstream. He tried to look Bardock in the eye, but he found that an impossible task, instead looking up into the ash and smoke laden sky, perhaps looking for-

"LOOK OUT!" He lunged forward, arms extended to catch both Bardock and Raditz and bear them to the ground as a large, square shaped ki blast decimated their cover. Chalk colored dust enveloped them for a brief second before the burning wind kicked up from the attack cleared it away. The three saiyans jumped back to their feet, looking up at their attackers who were both floating in the sky several dozen feet above them.

The one who had fired the blast, as evident by the hand gesture he was still making, was a tall man wearing green gi pants, yellow boots, a red sash about his waist and leaving his chest bare. His head was neatly shaved, and low on his forehead was a third eye that they couldn't tell if it was actually functional or not. The man with him was about the same height, with short, shaggy black hair and several facial scars. He wore a green, sleeveless shirt and white pants with black gloves that bore stylized silver symbols on the backs. There was blood on the knuckles.

"Aw, look at that, the master assassin missed his target! What will they think of you now?" The scarred one jeered, grinning maliciously at the wary saiyans. The bald man scowled and made a noise of derision toward his companion.

"You're one to talk; I've seen you miss a battleship that was just sitting in the water!"

This succeeded in wiping the smirk from the other's face. "That was years ago you dickheaded bastard! I bet I've killed more marks out here than you ever did back on Earth!"

"You've certainly run your mouth more than I have. Now shut up - we haven't finished with these three yet."

"Are you lackeys of Kakarot's?" Raditz shouted at them, raising a fist in a vain attempt to threaten.

"'Kakarot'? Who the hell's that?" The scarred one shrugged grandly, sneering now. His companion rolled his eyes, all three of them, which was something new.

"You moron, that was Goku's original name. Don't you remember? He was still going by that when he found us."

"He was?" A pause. "Oooh yeah, now I remember. Man, it feels like ages since I last heard anyone say that name. What's it matter to you guys if we are or not? Not like it's gonna change anything."

"The man you know as Goku is my son," Bardock snapped, the muscles in his arms tensing in preparation. "And I'll be damned to Hell if a child of mine brings down the saiyan race!"

This outburst managed to get the two pillaging aliens to focus on the elder saiyan. "Wow, you'd have thought we would have realized right away: he looks exactly like Goku."

"He doesn't have the same energy signature," the other supplied. "We rely so heavily on our energy sensing for identification that we can let it blind our eyes to what's in front of them."

"Pah! Regardless, this is a pretty good turn for us. Goku said that whoever could bring him his old man's head would get his choice of rewards from our conquests."

"You'll have to work for it!" Bardock shouted, throwing a hand out and firing a pale red spear of ki at them, forcing them to break apart to avoid it. He and Raditz took to the air to confront them, but almost immediately they were being assaulted by the humans and being pressed harder than they ever had in their lives. Bardock, the stronger of them, fared better against the triclops, but Raditz was being hard-pressed to do anything more than block the scarred man's clawed strikes.

Broly watched on, his untrained eye straining to follow the fights. To him, only seconds had passed, but for the four fighters it must have felt like minutes of unabated combat.

Raditz was slugged across the face and crashed back to the ground, face screwed up in pain as he dug his fingers into the dirt. His opponent landed several paces off, rolling his shoulders tauntingly. "You kinda got the shit end of this bargain, hairy man. Y'see, my buddy Tien over there is one of the strongest humans alive. After we survived the intensive training Goku put us through, he came out as third in our entire world, with Goku at the top."

"And you?" Raditz spat, rising slowly and without breaking eye contact.

"Me?" The human grinned broadly, holding his hands as if to say ' _what're you gonna do_ '. "Who else do you think is second strongest?!"

An eruption of blue energy sprang up around him, buffeting their clothes and sweeping away the dirt and dust around him. Even without the ability to sense energy, the saiyan brothers could **feel** the oppressive power coming off of the human in wave upon wave. Raditz brought an arm up to shield his face, gritting his teeth as he resolutely planted his feet. Broly had to turn his head away, the power nearly knocking him onto his back once again.

"They all thought I was a joke!" The human shouted, an insane light in his dark eyes. "They all thought that Yamcha would never amount to anything except begging for scraps! Well, I killed King Piccolo and I killed all of them! I'm the only person Goku can have a fair fight with anymore! Let's see anyone laugh at me NOW!"

Yamcha raised his power another notch and this time it did succeed in knocking both saiyans away, painfully colliding with rubble several meters away. Broly couldn't be certain, but he had a strong suspicion that this human was stronger than his own power level, and that was all but unheard of on the planet. Back when they still used scouters to determine fighting strength, he was recorded to have a latent power level of eleven thousand, which practically put him ahead of the Royal Family. And now here was this off-worlder, casually displaying a strength that blew that out of the water, and Kakarot was supposed to be even stronger!

Even as he was being battered by Yamcha's violent ki, Broly's mind finally reordered itself and he could focus on solving this problem. He knew that there was a strong chance that the fusion of his father and brother wouldn't be enough to save their people, not with Kakarot waiting after this guy. Hell, they might not even be able to outfight these two alone! There really was only one option left to them, and the sudden clarity of it was enough to calm Broly's fears and worries. He had been presented an unsolvable equation...and he'd solved it.

"Bardock!" The tall saiyan shouted into the air where the saiyan scientist was struggling against Tien's meticulously calculated onslaught. "Give me the earring!"

His father heard him and sacrificed his guard to throw the mystic artifact, suffering a gut punch that doubled him over. Raditz, realizing that Yamcha couldn't be allowed to interfere, lunged at the human and caught him in a Full Nelson hold. He could only hold it for a second, but that was long enough for the little green fashion piece to cross the distance and land squarely in Broly's palm.

"Get off!" Yamcha roared, twisting his upper body and plunging to one knee, effectively throwing Raditz clear off of him. The saiyan impacted sideways with a chunk of stone with more than enough force to crush a large portion of it. Yamcha was there in a second, grabbing a fistful of Raditz's hair and pulling him half off the ground, the saiyan futilely grasping at the his wrist. A straight punch nearly knocked Raditz out then and there, causing a spray of spit and blood to shoot from his mouth as he sagged dangerously in the adamant grip. Yamcha pulled his fist back for another blow-

"GET AWAY FROM MY BROTHER!"

Yamcha jerked his head around to find the incoming threat, but Broly was still standing in place, furious and terrified at once, but meeting gazes with the brutal human.

The earring hung from his right ear.

"Nice bling, monkey boy, but you'll just have to wait your turn while I break this punk in half." the scarred human turned back to Raditz just in time to see him affix his own earring on his left ear.

"I really hope this works," the saiyan murmured with a wry, bloodied grin.

"What the f-!" Yamcha was cut off when an impossible burst of - _something_ \- blew him away from the saiyan without any warning at all. Both the long haired saiyan and his taller brother were plucked from their feet and hurled at each other with thunderous speed, their collision met with a blast of white light that completely enshrouded them and illuminated the nearby area like a second sun. Yamcha was rocked by the inexplicable onrush of energy that swept outward from the mini-nova, but he steadied himself and held a hand in front of his eyes. In the air, Tien and Bardock had briefly halted their progressively one-sided struggle to look over at the luminescence.

The saiyan man smiled sadly. "I love you...my sons."

After several seconds, the illumination faded away and the roaring of the wind died down back to the disturbed quiet of before. Standing where the two brothers had been moments before was a saiyan unlike any other. Standing as tall as Broly, he was far more muscled than either had been, with every single sinew honed to its peak potential. His clothes were a blend of Broly's unassuming white pants and Raditz's blue vest, with the latter's vambraces and the former's black and gold boots. He had the sharp-edged features of Raditz, but the eyes and facial structure of Broly. The extremely lengthy hair that Raditz had inherited from his mother was present, but it was less solid in its density, and curiously enough it had neon green roots, a hint at something unknown that yet went unwoken.

Letting out a breath, the fusion closed its eyes for a few seconds, taking stock of himself. He felt conflicting emotions from his brawler and academic halves, but they were at least unified in their desire to protect their home and people. That he could work with. He opened his eyes and instantly focused on Yamcha.

"You came to the wrong planet, asshole," he spoke with the duel voices of Broly and Raditz, which was definitely strange to hear.

This served to amuse the invader who grinned that mocking smile of contempt. "Oh yeah? How do you reckon that?"

"Because **I'm** on it!" The fusion shouted a split-second before launching forward decking Yamcha across the jaw and sweep kicking him in the side. The human was caught off guard and thrown into the air. With a shriek of noise, the fused saiyan rushed ahead to meet him, planting his foot into Yamcha's back and arresting his momentum for a second before launching him back down.

Just before he impacted, however, the human recovered and landed in a crouch. He looked up and dodged to the side as the fusion streaked through the space he'd just occupied. Flipping to dig his feet into the ground, the fusion spun back towards Yamcha, ready to continue the assault, but the human marauder had squared himself and was ready for any attack.

"Heh heh heh, that was a decent shot you got in there. Really surprised me that someone from your race could ever hit that hard." Yamcha chuckled without humor, spitting to the side. "Actually, I'm pretty happy about this turn of events; I didn't think I'd get the chance to really stretch my legs when we got here, but here I've gone and found the biggest game on the planet. Goku's gonna be pissed when he finds out he missed an opportunity like this!"

"Don't worry - I'll get to him after I've gone through you," the fusion promised with a snarl.

"See, now, that might be a problem when you haven't even actually fought me yet. But since you seem to want it, I guess I can finally go all out!" Yamcha crowed as he released the final stop of his full power. The blue energy from before soared into an inferno of wild and savage delight, tinting everything nearby a spectral azure. As Yamcha let the power reach its zenith, the translucent ki warped and shifted behind him, momentarily taking on the shape of an enormous canine's head as a disembodied howl seemed to come from far away. "Let's see you talk big now!"

The fusion respected the immensity of the unleashed power, not about to let himself become overconfident or sloppy. He was the only chance they had of defeating Kakarot and ending this genocide, but he couldn't let his mind go any further than this fight right now - a single mistake could come at the cost of billions of lives.

"Ready when you are," he uttered, flaring his energy which had become a faint green color.

"Always am," Yamcha replied, grinning like a lunatic.

They spared a second more to observe their opponent, taking in information and formulating plans of attack and defense.

Then they charged, roaring in challenge and meeting each other with a ki-infused punch.

DBZ DBZ DBZ DBZ DBZ

 **AN:** _Well, that was a bit longer than usual._

 _This chapter actually failed two of the three criteria that I try to apply to all these one-shots: It has to be a cool fusion (pass), it has to be snapshot of a story without much exposition (fail) and it must primarily be funny (fail). I think only chapter 2 has actually managed to check all three boxes, and that's a mite perturbing seeing as this whole story was supposed to be for the yucks._

 _And this chapter was actually intended to be a funny one, but I rewrote it when I got the idea of an evil, mega-powered Yamcha powering up (and because I realized the chapter I had written actually contained a lot of elements I plan on using in another story, so it just wouldn't do). The only remaining evidence of the planed humor is the fusion's name, which I intentionally left out for sake of maintaining the mood. If you really want to know, it's_ Bradly _, and I had this hair-brained idea for a fusion that was basically just a fraternity bro based solely on his name._

 _I think I made the right call in changing that._

 _Also, I hereby rescind my previous declaration that I shall not be accepting fusion ideas. I was looking over my list and I realized that only two of them didn't involve at least one saiyan in the fusion, and I already wrote them. I need some more material. SO, if you have an idea, go ahead and shoot it my way. I make absolutely no promise that I'll use it if I just can't see the fusion, and if it happens to be one that I've already got planned then I'll give you partial credit for it, but I would appreciate some opinions all the same._

 _Here's hoping I can get some laughs with the next one._


	6. Episode 6

**AN:** _Well_ _,_ Dragon Ball Heroes _was fun while it lasted..._

* * *

It was cold, that day in Hell. This seemed entirely beside the point, as everyone in residence was preoccupied by the abrupt invasion into the realm by millions of shadow like creatures that could succeed in devouring the deceased souls. This was a cause for concern among the damned.

All-out war engulfed the infernal domain, explosions of both energy and the cloying darkness that the creatures wielded with ease erupted without rhyme or reason across the landscape and every few seconds a soul would cry out in terror or anger as they were overcome and devoured, fading away to nothing. For as many as the souls destroyed, there were always legions more to replenish their numbers and keep the pressure on the defenders.

Not even the strongest of the evil dead were safe. King Cold had been blindsided by a towering variant of the monsters, with broad shoulders, a head of tangled coils of inky darkness that only showed the glowing yellow eyes and an enormous, heart-shaped hole in the middle of its chest. Then Gero had been overwhelmed under the combined might of well over a dozen of the creatures that could teleport from spot-to-spot near instantly in a cloud of dark blue mist and reemerge with a sneak attack.

The ogre guardians were pretty much useless, and that was on days without imminent catastrophe rearing over them. Pikkon had been dispatched by the kais to intervene, but he was hard pressed not being consumed himself, let alone halt the invasion. Cell was content to erect a shield around himself and wait out the storm. That left only the B and C level villains to combat the unexplained threat.

Nappa brought his hand up, two fingers extended forcefully, and a pillar of energy exploded around him, annihilating several dozen of the creatures in a single swoop. He had been relying on that technique to keep himself from their ravenous maws for over two hours now, and he was fatigued enough that they began to close the distance and he was forced to dispatch them hand-to-hand. He knew that he was being swamped, but he'd be even more damned than he was already if he was just going to lie down and let them get him, or try and hide like a certain camo-print coward! They were **working** for this meal!

Driving his elbow down onto a short creature that had a silvery metal helmet and claws, he swiped his arm to the side and caught several more of the same as they jumped at him from the side. On his opposite flank, a red, pepper-pot shaped creature vibrated manically before sending a gout of magical fire at the beleaguered saiyan.

Barely noticing it in time, Nappa jumped away and tucked into a ball. The miniature blaze passed so close by that hairs on his tail were singed to a crisp and a jolt of agony lanced up from the appendage. He landed awkwardly, stumbling to catch his balance, before he fired off a blast from his mouth at the pyrotechnicaly-inclined monster, obliterating it easily. But there were still more to fill the gaps, ensuring that he was kept on the back foot without chance of reprieve.

A seething wave of the creatures reared up in front of him, their bodies blurring together to create a grotesque amalgam without definition. Nappa created a ball of pale blue ki in his palm, but before he could attempt to attack the monsters two other ki blasts smashed down into their midst – one blue and one red – and a purple vortex sprang up as they merged together, a sudden suction effect drawing in the whole mass before exploding.

The saiyan elite blinked, letting his energy fade back into his reserves. Hovering a dozen meters above, arms crossed and grinning arrogantly, were the Red Magma and Blue Hurricane of the Ginyu Force, Jeice and Burter.

"'Eya, monkey!" Jeice greeted with customary derision. Nappa gave him the bird. "Is that anyway to thank us for hauling yer sorry ass outta the foya?"

Deciding he'd had enough of the accent, Nappa turned his attention to the taller of the duo. "What're you two doing here? Don't you have a pansy competition to sweep?"

"Now that's downright rude!" Burter hissed, grinning despite his words. "And here we came to offer you a way to destroy these...uh..." He floundered for an appropriate word for a moment before deciding on "things."

Nappa raised an eyebrow. "What could you-"

"RECOOOOOOOOOOMMMEEEE!"

A giant of a man came barreling down from nowhere and impacted against another wave of the creatures, crushing many and sending many more shooting away. Nappa grimaced as the living cannonball stood up, no worse for wear, and struck a pose with arms and leg outstretched. "There's a reason why we always made Raditz the emissary," the saiyan bemoaned quietly.

The other two Ginyus landed beside their compatriot, grinning victoriously. "As I was saying," Burter continued, nonchalant as could be, "we happened to have learned a very special technique some years ago, on a mission from Lord Frieza. It allowed two beings to temporarily join together and create a brand new one with far more power than either. We had a bit of trouble dealing with it in the past, so we committed it to memory in case we ever needed to fight against it again. But," he waved his hand at the chaos and carnage that was occurring all around them, "now might be the perfect opportunity to use it ourselves so we can handle this mess."

Nappa was unimpressed. "And why, exactly, do you need me? Just do it yourselves if it's so important and leave me out of it."

"We'd much prefer it that way," Jeice sneered, hands on his hips, "but we're uncertain about the technique's limitations. So far as we know, it can only be done by two beings of the same size and build, or else something right bothersome could happen."

"They also need to be very near in power," Burter chimed in, "but you seem to have kept up your training and the gap isn't too great."

Nappa looked at Recoome, who was flexing for no reason other than the spectacle, and then looked back at the two partners. "You can't be serious."

"Oh, but we are, monkey man, and I must say that you should really be thanking us for such a great opportunity! To fuse with a member of the revered Ginyu Force and become a being of great power? There couldn't possibly be a greater honor!"

Recoome placed his hands on his hips, pelvis juttted forward exaggeratedly. "Yeah! These stupid creatures are really killing the vibe, and we want 'em gone. Even though it'll mean fusing with a saiyan. I can get over it if it means we get to show the full power of the unstoppable GINYU FOOOORCE!" He spun on the toes of one boot tip as he assumed his pose from the team's roundup.

Nappa very much wanted let the creatures eat him right then.

"I'll make sure that you lugs know the technique and don't go and muck it all up, since it needs to be done with perfect form, and Burter here'll watch our backs and give us the space we need." Jeice rolled his shoulders as though he was about to do the hard work and the taller Ginyu hopped in place, warming up like a sprinter before vanishing from sight. Explosions started to erupt around their vicinity, wiping out scores of the creatures that the others couldn't even see from their location. "Awright, first thing needs doin', you two need to stand abreast about two meters apart – that's where the dance starts."

Nappa had started to follow directions, but he immediately backed off at these words, both forefingers held up in front of him. "Whoa whoa whoa, you never said anything about dancing! I'm not going to make a complete buffoon of myself just for your amusement!"

"Now you listin' here, monkey!" Jeice brandished his own finger at the saiyan.

What followed were several minutes of heated arguing, clumsy attempts at the dance, and altogether far more posing than was necessary.

"Jeice, we've got more of the large ones bearing in!" Burter slowed down to alert his partner, breathing heavier than before and a touch slouched.

"Alright you apes, looks like it's now or never. Just like I showed, and **no** overextending this time! I'm tired of correcting the exact same screwy."

Nappa glared at him, then at Burter, then at Recoome. Then he finally realized something. "Where the hell is Guldo? Isn't that disgusting little bug always clinging to your boots?"

Jeice waved the question away. "Oh he got et right away. Couldn't hold his breath long enough to get away." Nappa had absolutely no idea what holding breath had to do with it, but he didn't really care all that much anyway.

Saiyan and very human-like man took their positions, one pouting and the other smiling vacantly. There wasn't anything to say so they began a quick dry run, running through the deceptively simple technique to make sure they were synchronized before, without any interesting points to bring up in the narrative, they performed the Fusion Dance and vanished in a corona of searing light.

Blah blah blah, light faded away, and there stood the combination of the two towering brutes. Unsurprisingly, he was very tall and built like a truck, though it seemed he was just a bit taller and wider than the two individuals had been. He had the Metamoran clothing - pants, shoes, wrist guards and open vest – and a truly outrageous plume of red hair extending straight up from his scalp. He had Recoome's square head and large lips mixed with Nappa's larger eyes and hooked nose.

The fusion clenched his fists several times before slowly assuming a bodybuilder pose. "Awwwwww yeah! Would you look at these muscles!" He transitioned into another pose, back turned and biceps bulging. "Y'all better be ready for the pinnacle of masculinity that is-" He spun around and belched a humongous wave of pale energy at an approaching wave of the creatures, eradicating them in their totality. "NAPOOME!"

Jeice frowned and crossed his arms. "We mighta just made ourselves a monster."

Burter nodded in agreement, scratching his cheek. "We forgot to take their egos into account."

Nappome took the time to dish out several more poses before he sprang into the air like a rocket, shouting his name for all to hear. Whatever came next, it was guaranteed to be noisy.

 **PAGE BREAK**

 **AN:** _Ehhh, ha ha? I do believe that I've lost my concentration with this story. That'll happen when you let it sit for half a year..._


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